You may have recently seen a poll or two that suggests the average American isn’t particularly thrilled with the government shutdown. The average American thinks every member of Congress is doing a terrible job. So terrible, in fact, that many of them may only get reelected with, say, 75 percent of the vote next year.
You’ve probably also noticed that your facebook feed has transitioned away from pictures of cats and toward posts like, “Okay everyone, I’m not posting this because of the politics. It’s just a well-thought-out article that actually relies on facts, so please read it with an open mind.”
And then you see a link to an article in which John Boehner’s barber accuses him of being “so crazy, he once drank a whole jar of that blue stuff we keep the combs in” or Nancy Pelosi’s gardener accuses her of hunting down non-union lathe operators to chop up and feed to the Venus flytrap in her backyard.
“These accusations are clearly false,” you’re probably saying to yourself. “Why would a Congresswoman from California have a plant in her backyard that’s native to the southeastern United States?!”
The other day, I talked with Allan Saxe over at UT-Arlington. He says the average American is starting to think there’s no candidate who truly represents him, so he just complains about Washington with his colleagues at the water cooler and becomes less and less likely to vote.
Then they go back to work on their lathes.
But I’m not a man who points out a problem without also offering a solution. Surely, some good has come from the shutdown. You’ll notice it’s been raining across most of Texas for the past several days. Without funding for its weather machine, the Obama Administration can no longer punish Texas’ insolence with persistent drought.
Also, the two parties’ inability to work together has created opportunities to provide services no longer available from the federal government.
I, for instance, am thinking of starting my own regulatory agency to oversee the construction and operation of power plants. Like a lot of people, that’s always been a hobby of mine, so why not use this opportunity to take something I’m passionate about and make it a full time job?
At Scaia’s Department of Energy, we won’t let some bureaucrat in an ivory tower tell you how you can and can’t generate electricity.
Let’s say you’ve been trying to build a hydroelectric power plant. You’d storm into the offices of Scaia’s Department of Energy, agitated and with your tie loosened around your collar. You slam a briefcase down on my desk.
“I’ve been trying to build a hydroelectric power plant because I love clean, renewable energy,” you’d say. “But the government said it wasn’t in the national interest and the source of the water is too ‘non-traditional.’ Now, I can’t even get them on the phone!”
“You can’t spell ‘Federal Regulatory Agency’ without ‘FUN!’” I’d respond. “Just show me your schematic, and I’ll have you pumping out jigawatts faster than you can say, “” target=”_blank” title=””>Old Man Peabody had this crazy idea about breeding pine trees:”
The only thing my industry-leading engineers might suggest is to make some space for blackjack tables.
Of course, there is still the issue of payment. Since the federal government has disbanded, Scaia’s Department of Energy is not currently accepting American currency. Until further notice, payment should be remitted in the form of gold fillings and/or chalices stuffed into a burlap sack with a dollar sign printed on it.
For licensing of a nuclear reactor, the chalices should be bejeweled.
By the time the federal government opens back up, the rogue power plant industry will have become “too big to fail,” and I’ll have relocated to the Cayman Islands. It’s win-win!
Alan Scaia
