There are certain places where reasonable people can disagree. A barbershop discussing football is not one of them.
In the latest Barber Ball Banter, veteran-turned-barber and entrepreneur Matthew “Matt” Steigerwald and 13-year-old Louis Darrouzet II move from fantasy football to Cowboys heartbreak, Bijan Robinson vs. Jahmyr Gibbs and an investigation into whether Louis actually has an NFL team. That final answer gets complicated.
Matt’s fantasy team is in trouble
Matt opened with an admission no fantasy football manager wants to make three weeks into a season: He was 0-3.
“I’m gonna be playing in the toilet bowl,” Matt said while facing another matchup with roughly a 44% projected chance of victory. Louis showed approximately zero sympathy.
About those Cowboys
“Yo, let’s talk about them Cowboys,” Louis announced. “Let’s not and say we did,” Matt replied.
Dallas had just suffered a 34-31 loss to Baltimore on Sunday in Rio de Janeiro. The Cowboys tied the game with seven seconds remaining, but Lamar Jackson connected with Zay Flowers for 27 yards. Baltimore stopped the clock with one second left, and Tyler Loop kicked a 56-yard field goal to win it. The Cowboys had found another painful way to lose.
Matt questioned whether Dak Prescott had been instructed to throw the ball away under pressure.
“If that’s true, what are we doing?” Matt said. “That’s a 10-year starting quarterback. Let him play football.”
Head coach Brian Schottenheimer later confirmed that he told Prescott the pass had to go to George Pickens or be thrown away. Schottenheimer said he had “overcoached” his quarterback and took responsibility for the finish.
Matt’s diagnosis was simpler: “I don’t know why I even let my hopes get high. That’s my fault.”
Bijan vs. Jahmyr: Let the trial begin
This is where Barber Ball Banter stopped being a conversation and became litigation.
Matt: Bijan Robinson. Louis: Jahmyr Gibbs.
“Bijan is better than Jahmyr,” Matt insisted. Louis disagreed, while Matt argued that Robinson produces with less help and Gibbs benefits from Detroit’s stronger offense.
“The Lions have a good team,” Matt said. “They have a great line. They have a great receiving room. They have a quarterback that can actually throw the ball.”
Louis remained unmoved: “I still think Jahmyr Gibbs is more talented at the running back position.”
The first three games gave both sides evidence. Gibbs recorded 307 rushing yards, 156 receiving yards and six total touchdowns. Robinson produced 349 rushing yards, 118 receiving yards and three total touchdowns. Robinson held a four-yard edge in scrimmage yards. Gibbs held a three-touchdown advantage. Case continued.
The receiver argument
One unresolved argument was not enough. Louis demanded that Matt name the NFL’s best receiver in three seconds.
Matt chose Ja’Marr Chase. Louis countered with Jaxon Smith-Njigba. Matt cited Chase’s longer body of work. Louis favored Smith-Njigba’s current production and fantasy value.
Barber Ball Banter’s official ruling: Please continue arguing.
Allen keeps rolling
On North Texas high school football, the numbers are harder to debate. As previously reported by The Dallas Express, Allen opened 2026 with victories over Duncanville, DeSoto, Southlake Carroll, Prosper and Princeton.
The Eagles entered October at 5-0 with a combined scoring margin of 248-76. Matt summed up what it is like to see Allen on the schedule: “You don’t look forward to that game.”
Matt also gave some attention to Cedar Park, where his brother coaches. The Timberwolves entered October with a 5-0 record, including consecutive shutout victories of 51-0 and 56-0.
An investigation into Louis’ NFL fandom
Then came the confession. Louis had spent roughly four years identifying himself as a Dolphins fan because two of his favorite players were in Miami. That launched an investigation into bandwagoning.
Louis then announced that he had chosen his teams. Teams. Plural. Four, to be exact: the Cowboys, Broncos, Texans and 49ers. Matt believes fandom requires suffering. Louis apparently chose diversification instead.
This is not NFL fandom. It is an NFL mutual fund: one team for Dallas, another connected to his Houston family, Denver in the portfolio and San Francisco as a hedge against disappointment.
Matt, meanwhile, remains loyal to Dallas. “There are no bandwagons on the Dallas Cowboys,” he said. “Everybody who’s a fan of the Dallas Cowboys is loyal, because we know we suck and we’re never gonna go to the Super Bowl.”
Final score
By the end, almost nothing had been settled. Matt says Bijan. Louis says Gibbs. Matt says Chase. Louis says Smith-Njigba. Allen keeps steamrolling opponents. Matt’s fantasy team is 0-3. And Louis has enough favorite NFL teams to form his own playoff bracket.
That means Barber Ball Banter accomplished exactly what a good barbershop football conversation should: Nobody changed his mind, everybody had statistics, and somehow the Cowboys still caught a stray.
Barber Ball Banter is a Future Voices Incubator pilot at The Dallas Express.
Provided by Dallas Express
